Difficult conversation? Don’t talk; first listen.
July 28, 2009
- Your client doesn't pay. An employee's work is not up to snuff. A co-worker's habits drive you crazy. You've got to do something about something...and you keep putting it off rather than bring up a difficult subject. What's the best way to broach a conversation you'd rather not have?
- It's not so much by figuring out what to say, says Deborah Goldstein, managing director of the Triad Consulting Group, of Cambridge, MA. What's most important is figuring out how to listen.
- Most people believe they are right and want others to agree with them, Goldstein said at a recent meeting of the Healthcare Businesswomen's Association Boston Chapter. This was clearly evidenced when most people insisted they had accurately counted passes of a basketball in a video she showed. But it turned out that many of them counted wrong...and had been so focused on the task that they (and I!) missed seeing a gorilla step into the scene and beat his chest for attention. (I was pleased to have counted right, at least!)
- Because we face information overload and can be very task oriented, Goldstein said, it's important to understand before going in to a difficult conversation that (a) you could be wrong (b) the other person could see things that you do not.Hence, the best way to make your case is to NOT to make your case. Rather, ask questions to make sure you understand where the other person is coming from, thus validating his or her point of view--and starting a "give and take" that allows you to listen to one another.By asking questions and bringing the group into her presentation, Goldstein convinced me that her method works. But I'm still dreading the conversation I need to have with a difficult client!
- --- Anita M. Harris
- HarrisComBlog is a publication of the Harris Communications Group of Cambridge, MA. HarrisCom Also publishes the New Cambridge Observer. You're welcome to link or comment, but all contents are copyrighted by Anita M. Harris, 2009.
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